Apocalyptoromance

Preface: The year is 2012, and the world has fallen into an apocalyptic nuclear war. The world's nuclear arsenal has wiped out every human on earth, except for one man...Marcus. Marcus suffers from an underdeveloped left arm, and is a scientist.

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Marcus had been lying still in his cot for nearly twenty hours straight. Sleeping was impossible due to the constant flickering of his now dwindling light sources. He knew the gasoline was low, and the last two generators would give out soon. He figured he'd get at least another hour of light before he had to make the choice. The only choice he had left.

Marcus' life work was creating an apparatus capable of sending one person back in time. 24 years, two marriages, and every living soul on the planet would be the cost of this work. The epic war that battled for his untested time machine had left Marcus alone now, deep in his underground laboratory. He had only himself.

"What do I choose!?" His scream echoed for miles through the empty and chilly corridors. If it wasn't enough that this evil machine had caused so many countless deaths, it would now force Marcus to decide his own fate. Two options, and suicide wasn't one of them. There was only 1 gallon of fuel left for one of the generators, which was enough for 12 minutes of power. 12 minutes. This is exactly how much time it would take to run the time machine for one trip back into time, or it would provide Marcus with 12 more minutes of light to masturbate.

The dilemma was unbearable. On the one hand, Marcus might be able to travel back in time to save humanity, and on the other he could give himself one last pleasurable experience before accepting the end of existance.

The time machine was designed as a two person operation. One person would flip the switch, while the other would be transported through time. Marcus knew that if he flipped the switch himself, he would be instantly transported back in time to an unknown time and place, but his hand would be left in the future still attached to the switch. The chance that he would be sent back in time, to a place where he could not save himself and the world, was only worsened by the fact that when he arrived he'd have no good hand to masturbate with.

The last flicker of light fizzled to darkness. Marcus knew what he had to do. He couldn't afford not to take the chance. He owed the world. He decided he would send himself back in time, and if he could, he'd end his own life before his research into time travel even began.

The last gallon of fuel was poured into the generator. Marcus removed every input, except for the machine's. He felt the pressure build in his chest as he maneuvered into the transport silo. He shut his eyes and spent his last moments remembering all his joyful masturbation in the last few days, and then with a flick of his wrist, FLASH!

Marcus slowly opened his eyes and found a horror he hadn't even imagined. He had traveled back to the moment where he decided to use the time machine! He called out in horror to his past self, "WAIT! Don't pull the switch!"

"If you do that, you'll only travel back to this moment!"

Marcus and his past self, speechless at the discovery, knew that no matter how many times it was repeated, time travel now would be an infinity of this very moment. Nothing could be done. Nothing will ever be done to change this.

"Well, what do we do with the last bit of fuel we have left then?", they simultaneously asked each other. Marcus wanted to masturbate, but he was now missing his good hand. Past Marcus proposed he would 'assist' and masturbate them both. After a few minutes of debate, they decided that it wouldn't be gay because, future or past, both of them were the same person. So, it would only be masturbation.

And just as Marcus began to touch Marcus, a Hawking black hole opened up in Marcus' penis. "Oh no! Two separate entities of matter cannot occupy the same space, and we've now opened a black ho..." Before he could finish his last word, the solar system was swallowed up by the black hole. 200 years later, Marcus gave birth to a pineapple. It hurt.