Steven loves Rebecca

Steven was usually wrong, but it never let him stop trying to explain the unexplainable. This time, however, he had a real doozie on his hands. He was struggling to explain to his girlfriend, Rebecca, the difference between yellow and pink lemonades.

"You see, pink lemonade is pink because the lemons used have had very limited UV exposure. The farmers apply spf 45 sun lotion to them on Mondays in June."

Rebecca wasn't buying his bullshit this time. They argued for 4 days without sleep or food. They drank only pink lemonade. After the fourth day, they agreed the only way to solve the argument was to travel to the lemonade factory in the next town and ask the lead lemon squeezer. So, off they went.

Steven was too cheap to spring for a taxi, and Rebecca couldn't afford a car due to her massive gambling debts she incurred betting at the hermit crab race track in Myrtle Beach, SC. They had to walk the whole way, except for the 400 yards where the sidewalks had been replaced by rolling tramways in front of the factory. The two were glad to get to the factory, as they were tired from arguing about lemonade and walking a long way (except for the part where they rode the rolling tramway just then).

Just as Steven was about to knock on the factory's front door, robber bandits jumped out from behind the hedgework. "Give us your keys to your car!", they shouted.

"We don't have a car. We used the rolling tramway!", proclaimed Rebecca.

"Damn, everyone is using that thing these days! Well, were going to kidnap your boyfriend and hold him hostage until our demands are met. We're taking him to our secret hideout."

Poof! They disappeared. One of the robber bandits must have had a smoke bomb or something. Rebecca was not sure what to do. The only person that she thought could help her was the wizard.

Rebecca found a car that was unattended by the factory hedgework, and she drove it straight to the wizard's house. She ran straight into the wizard's house without even knocking, which was really rude (but given the circumstances, it was the last thing on her mind). She entered the living room to find the wizard watching Baywatch and eating a bowl of Sour Patch Kids while sitting in his favorite chair.

The wizard's chair was a warm and delightfully worn-in merlot colored leather wingback chair. It was the kind of sitting piece found in many a dignitary's library. The winged back spread wide at the top, and dove inwards near its sultry hips. The low glow of the tv reflected the age of the supple leather at each button and stitch. The armrests held a stained aroma of pipe tobacco smoke, but only so slightly that the smell was never overbearing. This chair was caring. This chair was home.

After noticing the chair, Rebecca noticed this wasn't actually the wizard, but it was actually his brother Robert. Robert was wearing a snuggie, so it was easy to see how Rebecca could be initially confused. "Robert, my boyfriend was taken by robber bandits to their secret hideout! Can you help me?"

"Well I would, but I have plans later to make love to this chair I'm sitting in. You're going to have to handle this without me."

"Where do I even begin?"

"Well I heard that the robber bandits have made the lemonade factory their secret hideout, because it was convenient for this story!", exclaimed Robert.

Rebecca raced back to the lemonade factory and rescued her boyfriend. Then they had sweet sweet doing it for 2 hours with no foreplay. The end.